So, Keir Starmer jetted off to France this week – not for a weekend wine tasting, sadly, but to pretend he’s Prime Minister. And in true Starmer fashion, he came back with a “deal” that sounds like it was scribbled on the back of a Pret napkin during the Eurostar ride home.
Apparently, he’s secured an agreement with French President Emmanuel Macron – or at least that’s what his PR team want you to believe. The headline grabber? A “17 in, 1 out” migration plan. Seventeen EU migrants can skip into Britain like it’s the last night of Glastonbury, and in exchange, we get to send one of ours back. One. Uno. Un. Eins.
Was this a trade deal or an episode of You’ve Been Framed?
Now, unless that “one out” happens to be Starmer himself, we’re struggling to see the upside. It’s like swapping 17 potholes for 1 traffic cone and calling it a road repair plan.
Macron, on the other hand, must be laughing all the way to the Élysée Palace. He gets to offload his illegal migration headache while Keir gets a selfie and a slightly stale croissant. Not since Chamberlain came back waving a bit of paper have we seen a British politician look this pleased about being mugged off on foreign soil.
This isn’t policy, it’s pantomime.
Well, it’s official: Labour’s border policy is working wonders… if your dream was to turn Britain into the world’s most exclusive ferry terminal.
The numbers are in, and they’re jaw-dropping. A whopping 20,000 small-boat arrivals have washed up on our shores this year – and it’s only July. No passport check, no questions asked – just a quick dip, a soggy landing, and the warm embrace of Labour’s wide-open arms. If Keir Starmer ever runs out of backbenchers, he can just nip down to the harbour and pick up a few new faces.
Last year it took until August to hit the magic 20,000 mark. This year, we’ve managed it with time to spare.
And what did Labour do when they finally got their hands on the keys to Downing Street? They shredded the Rwanda plan, patted themselves on the back, and told us not to worry: “We’ve got it under control.” If this is control, I’d hate to see what chaos looks like.
Even the Shadow Home Secretary has noticed the wheels are off: “The boats haven’t stopped – they’ve multiplied.” Labour’s new policy amounts to little more than wishful thinking and waving white flags at Calais. It’s a border strategy only a Parisian could love.
Here’s a wild idea: how about an actual deterrent? You come here illegally, you’re sent somewhere outside Europe. Simple. Direct. Effective. But no – in the new, improved Labour Britain, it’s not a border, it’s a suggestion.
So, while Starmer is out there making deals with Macron and perfecting his French accent, Britain’s borders have become less secure than a cardboard umbrella in a Channel storm.
Nice work, lads. Remind us: who are you protecting again?
While Reform UK is fighting to get control of our borders, protect local services, and restore common sense to government, Labour’s already dusting off the welcome mat for Brussels and rolling it out with French subtitles. You can practically hear the Eurostar engines warming up.
The people of Medway aren’t fools. They don’t want a PM-in-waiting who trades our sovereignty for headlines and hollow handshakes. They want borders that work, deals that protect British interests, and leaders who negotiate with a backbone – not a baguette.
So as Keir sips his vin rouge and dreams of rejoining the EU through the back door, we at Reform UK will keep fighting for a Britain that serves its own people first – not 17 (sorry 16 – as if!) strangers being welcomed to this “Island of Strangers” (© Two-Tier Keir!).